We were both young, when I first saw you.
I close my eyes and the flashback starts
I'm standing there, on a balcony of summer air.
I see the lights; see the party, the ball gowns.
I see you make your way through the crowd
You say hello, little did I know...
That you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles
And my daddy said "stay away from Juliet"
And I was crying on the staircase
begging you please don't go...
And I said...
Romeo take me somewhere, we can be alone.
I'll be waiting; all
A married couple is driving down the interstate doing 55 mph. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him and says, "Honey, I know we?ve been married for 15 years, but I want a divorce."
The husband says nothing but slowly increases the speed to 60 mph.
She then says, "I don?t want you to try to talk me out of it because I?ve been having an affair with your best friend, and he?s a better lover than you."
Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as his anger increases.
1. You can stare at any Girl.......
2. You don't have to spend money on her.
3. You won't get boring result in ur board papers.
4. No girlfriend, no emotional blackmailing.
5. If u don't have a girlfriend, she can't dump u.
6. Having a girlfriend is hot, not having a girlfriend is automatically cool, and every one loves to be a cool guy.
7. This can be more to life than just waiting for the bloody phone to ring.
8. You won't have to tolerate someone else defining, "right" and "wrong"
The 5 questions most feared by men are:
1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat in this?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?
What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e., tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analysed below, along with possible responses.
Question 1: What are you thinking about?
"Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater"
If you give her sperm, she?ll give you a baby.
If you give her a house, she?ll give you a home.
If you give her groceries, she?ll give you a meal.
If you give her a smile, she?ll give you her heart.
She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.
So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of ****.?
A few people are sitting in a bar when one guy says, "My name is Larry, and I am a SNAG."
Another guy says, "What's that?"
The first guy says, "That means I am a Single, New Age Guy."
Another one says, "My name is Gary, and I am a DINK.
A girl asks, "What's that?"
He says, "That means I am a Double Income, No Kids."
A lady says, "That's nice. My name is Gertrude, and I am a WIFE."
Larry says, "A wife? What's a wife?"
She says, "That means, 'Wash, Iron, ****, Etc."
There is a new virus. The code name is ?WORK.? If you receive WORK from your colleagues, your boss, via e-mail, or from anyone else-do not touch WORK under any circumstances. This virus wipes out your private life completely.
If you should happen to come in contact with this virus, take two friends and go straight to the nearest bar. Order drinks and after three rounds, you will find that WORK has been completely deleted from your brain.
Forward this virus warning immediately to at least five
1. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
2. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
3. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
4. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.
5. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut you
Dear Employees:
It has been brought to management?s attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers.
Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative ?TRY SAYING? phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.
N
Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor?s statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases whe
There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.
Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the +after-life+ with me."
And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him. Well, he died...
He was stretched out in the casket, his wife wa
A Mother passing by her son?s bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to ?Mom? With the worst premonition she opened the envelope with hands and read the letter.
Dear Mom:
It is with great regret and sorrow that I?m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and
On their first night together
A newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe.
The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished."Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture. Puzzled she asks, "My picture?" He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever".
She smiles a
Once a man was waiting for a taxi.
A beggar came along and asked him for some money. The man ignored him. But being a professional, the beggar kept on pestering him. The man became irritated when he realized that the beggar would not leave him alone unless he parts with some money.
Suddenly an idea struck him.He told the beggar, "I do not have money, but if you tell me what you want to do with the money, I will certainly help you." "I would have bought a cup of tea", replied the beggar.
The m
An elderly couple were driving across the country.
The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol.
The officer said, "Ma'am did you know you were speeding?"
The woman, hard of hearing, turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"
The old man yells, "He says you were speeding!"
The patrolman says, "May I see your license?"
The woman turns to her husband and asks again, "What did he say?"
The old man yells, "He wants to see your license!"
The woman gave the offic
A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink.
Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table.
He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says:
?I went by your grandma?s house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!?
The biker looks at him and doesn?t say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a h
A college professor was doing a study, testing the senses of first graders, by using a bowl of Lifesavers.
He gave all the children the same kind of Lifesavers, one at a time, and asked them to identify them by colour and flavour.
The children began:
?Red.............cherry,?
?Yellow.........lemon,?
?Green..........lime,?
?Orange .orange.
Finally the professor gave them all a HONEY-flavoured lifesaver.
After eating them, none of the children could identify the taste.
?Well,? he said, ?I
Apparently published in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers Journal, the following are statements and questions made by real lawyers during their trials. No wonder lawyers have such bad rep!
1. ?Now doctor, isn?t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn?t know about it until the next morning??
2. ?The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he??
3. ?Were you present when your picture was taken??
4. ?Were you alone or by yourself??
5. ?Was it you or your younger bro
10 Signs You're Dealing With A Dumb Criminal
1.He took public transportation to and from his bank robbery.
2.He is using his seeing eye dog as a look-out.
3.Instead of a cherry pie,he shoplifted yeast, flour, eggs, and a jar of cherries.
4.You caught him driving a stolen car with "The Club" still on.
5.He tries to convince you that he thought crack was a breakfast cereal.
6.He responds to your use of verbal force with a bunch of "Yo'momma" oneliners.
7.He makes himself laugh every t
