Dumb teen: Hey, look at this! It says "Train for jobs in biotch."

Smarter teen: Fool! That word is biotech. Why you gotta be ignorant all your life?--Little boy: Why didn't Harry Potter just take a shotgun and blow that guy's head off?--Guy #1: I'd totally hit that.

Guy #2: Dude, I'd hit that so hard whoever could pull me out would become the King of England.--Small child, trying a Sprite: I don't like it.

Dad: If you don't like the taste, just spit it out.

Mom: I've heard that one before.--Guy: I was seeing her for a while, but it just wasn't working out. I guess I'm not over Jessica.

Girl: What?

Guy: What do you mean, what?

Girl: I thought you were gay.

Guy: Oh, because I'm a hairdresser. How original. Just because I'm a hairdresser you think I'm gay.

Girl: No. I thought you were gay because when I stayed at your house four years ago I woke up and saw you f*cking Matt in the ass!

Guy: Oh my God. Matt and I have never talked about that night.

--Girl #1: So, I just got my HIV test done for the Peace Corps.

Girl #2: Yeah, you wouldn't want to bring AIDS to Africa or anything.--Drunk girl: Kool-Aid is my most favorite drink in the whole world. When she moved in, it was like great, because it was like, "You love Kool-Aid, too? Awesome, we're going to get along great." But then it ended up, she tried to kill me with a steak knife.--Yuppie woman, bumping into a man: Sorry.

Man: Don't say sorry. This is New York. Nobody says sorry.

Woman: What do you want me to say? F*ck you??

Man: That's better. This is New York. Who says sorry?

Woman: F*ck you.-- Preschool girl: W W W.

Helpful Mom: Dot.

Preschool girl: WWW dot porn!--Yuppie customer: Can we have the tasting menu?

Waitress: You eat everything?

Yuppie customer: Yeah, sure.

Waitress: Gizzard?

Yuppie customer: I'll eat the asshole if you put a tasty sauce on it.

Waitress: We don't serve assholes here.

Yuppie customer: This is New York. How do you stay in business? --Pilot: We're on our way to New York where the weather is cold and icy, just like my prom date back in high school. -- 

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Very Funny Bill!

'Dude, I'd hit that so hard whoever could pull me out would become the King of England'

I had to think about that but I guess its a reference to King Arthur pulling Excalibur from the rock!!

5555555555555555 very funny ,,, thanks for sharing...

Ha ha ah!!!! Thanks for sharing...

HOLY **** I LAUGHED SO HARD I FELL OUT OF MY CHAIR AND AM GOING TO TOTALLY START THE KING ARTHUR HITTING THAT JOKE!

plus the aid africa thing how funny and man these are so true of NY!!!!!