I spent a large part of my youth in the mountains and beaches in Australia, fishing, camping, hiking and exploring.

In those days, going for a **** meant wandering off somewhere from the campsite, finding a suitable, quiet place behind some tree and squatting. If we were really prepared, we?d have a few sheets of the Sydney Morning Herald to wipe our bum and a small shovel with which to bury the whole affair. But usually, all we had was the skills we could muster with a few leaves and our hands.

Simple, natural and (for the most part) a very pleasant experience.

I?ve traveled for years around most parts of Asia and had more than my fair share of toilet experiences too. And I guess, because of this, I?ve got a very basic view or what it takes to do a dump without too much fan-fair and hoop-la.

Yesterday, I arrived at my Tokyo hotel at seven in the morning after a relatively sleepless night flight from Bangkok. Seven in the morning is my regular bowel movement time, wherever I am in the world and there?s nothing really odd about that.

No sooner had I checked in, gone to my room and put my bags down, I?d pulled my pants down for the morning?s proceedings.

As I sat there, I quickly realized the Japanese seem to have a very different attitude about toilets.

Here was a toilet with so much technology and design I almost felt unworthy sitting there. I held back for a while.

I sat there fiddling with all the knobs and I soon discovered I could actually set the temperature of the seat warmer for each and every area of my bum, I could elevate and shift the entire seat and the master controls switched everything on and off, as well as switch to ?auto? (whatever that meant).

I imagined all the designers, boardroom conversations and PowerPoint presentations to actually come up with this mad machine.

As I thought of this, I also enjoyed losing the spicy Pad Kaprao from Bangkok and the two meals on my flight.

Life seemed ok. I sat back and imagined I was Captain Kirk on the Starship Enterprise.

To my left, on the bathroom bench, was yet another set of wireless controls. At finger-touch, I could adjust the temperate, pressure and flow of the water bidet, I could point the bidet nozzle, like a tank gunner, in all directions. I could command warm air to dry and fluff my buttocks or I could flick a master switch and have everything happening all at once. Oh yes, an amazing experience, if you ever have time.

But, all good things must come to an end. I wiped my bum and put my trousers back on. Then I reached for the flush button.

Oh dear. No flush button. Couldn?t find it anywhere. I went through every button and combination again. It was all in Japanese anyway. I thought of using the shower nozzle or filling the bucket. I thought of so many stupid things. I swore at the stupid toilet. I paced up and down and I cursed the stupid thing for being so clever that I couldn?t even figure out the one stupid job it was to do.

Flush. **** it, flush.

I lifted the seat and stared down and wondered how if was going to flush all this stuff away. It seemed impossible no matter what flashing button I pushed. I thought of more stupid things.

In the end, I called the maintenance people, who quickly put me through to reception. In brilliant Japanese efficiency, within moments, I had three enthusiastically dressed young staff standing in my toilet explaining all the toilets functions and features in broken English.

As the four of us stood there together in the bathroom, staring at the smelly mess I?d made in their perfect toilet, one of them showed me the old fashioned, pump-action styled flusher on the wall, nowhere near the toilet. We all kept staring in silence as the water perfectly flushed my mess away.

I thought for a moment they were going to clap and cheer.

I ask: what has become of life?s simple and basic pleasures?

Was it a dual flush toilet!!! A good job description toilet flusher!!!

Forget about the toilets in thailand with no sprays or toilet paper!!!

Dave... i honestly dont know. Why would a toillet be "Duel Flush"? I dont **** in stereo... and i tend to do one job at time. Photos are available though, upon request (of the toilet, not my ****)... i dont know how to put pics on my journal. Cheers.

The japanese don't have a water shortage like we do in Aust!!!?

Dave.... actually, Japan has another rather quaint problem that wastes insane amounts of water every day. Most Japanese girls are so incredibly shy about others hearing their bodily noises when they go to the loo, they keep flushing the toilet, and running the taps, throughout the whole time they're sitting there. It became such a problem a few years ago that the Govenment ran a campaign about it to try to stop the behaviour. But it didnt work. lol

Pee Marc .... hehe keep it in side (****) ... pity

Where I live in Gibraltar they have a way of dealing with lack of fresh water; use salt water in the toilets. Nobody is going to drink out of there so why not use salinated water.

Very funny journal, you make me laugh out loud. I 'd say that I like Japanese toilet technology. When I was there every where I visited the toilet was a must for me to survey. Really advance country definitely opposite to China...

funny journal. can't believe you went into full detail

must have been a nice hotel.

personally i would have love the bathroom for i am a very clean person

King