1) Actual advertisement in The New York Post:

For Sale by owner: Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica. 45 volumes.  Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer.

No longer needed. Got married last weekend.

Wife knows everything.

2) Why we split up

She told me we couldn't afford beer anymore and I'd have to quit. Then I caught her spending $65 on make-up. So I asked, how come I had to give up stuff and not her.

She said she needed the make-up to look pretty for me.

I told her that was what the beer was for.

I don't think she's coming back.

3) Happy Anniversary:

"You think so much of golf that you don't even remember when we were married."

"Of course I do, my dear, it was the day I sank that forty-foot putt."

4) Good basis for marriage?

A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counselling came up.

"Oh, we'll never need that. My husband and I have a great relationship," the wife explained. "He was a communications major in college and I majored in theatre arts. He communicates really well and I just act like I'm listening."

lol i like number 4

lol... I like all :D

Will send this on to my brother, he gets married today lol

hahaha ok mai?

;p

Marriage?? Did someone say, "marriage"?

A man and woman were having marital problems so they went to see a marriage counsellor.

The counsellor, in an attempt to find some common ground from which to begin his analysis said, "Tell me about anything the two of you have in common." The husband spoke up and said, "Well, neither one of us sucks dicks

Little Johnny and Susie are only ten-years- old, but they just know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Johnny goes to Susie's father to ask him for her hand. Johnny bravely walks up to him and says, "Mr. Smith, me and Susie are in love and I'm asking for her hand in marriage."

Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well, Johnny, you are only ten. Where will you two live?"

Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replies, "In Susie's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."

Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay then, how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job - you'll need to support Susie."

Again, Johnny instantly replies, "Our allowance: Susie makes five pounds a week and I make ten pounds a week. That's about sixty pounds a month, and that should do us just fine."

By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Johnny has put so much thought into this. So, he thinks for a moment, trying to come up with something that Johnny won't have an answer to. After a second, Mr. Smith says, "Well, Johnny, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?"

Johnny just shrugs his shoulders and says, "That won't happen, she only lets me shag her up the arse."

>condotown

I feel the need to re-post my link in response.

http://www.fredoneverything.net/MoonPie.shtml

(this *is* a repeat of a journal entry I posted in 2005)

scientists discovered that most women will, at some point in their lives contain intelligent DNA.... unfortunately 95% of them will spit it out!