Little Feet 15 - My 30th Birthday
Entry posted by Admin_2 ·
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So I’ve turned 30…wow.
You can read that however you feel like reading it, because I don’t know if I was being sarcastic or if I’m actually excited about this.
The weeks leading up to this birthday didn’t feel like much was changing. I don’t consider 30 to be old, and I haven’t considered it to be old since some time during high school. 40 doesn’t seem old either. Sorry for those guys like Ciaran, Gee, Bill, etc…but 50+ is old to me. 
Anyway, now that I am actually 30, it’s hit me a bit more than I expected it would. I always had this idea in my mind that I would throw some big party, an extravaganza even, to mark the occasion. I’m getting the extravaganza alright: Some sushi with my girls, some red wine, and some e-mails from home and abroad (wherever home and abroad really are). And that wasn’t sarcastic for sure. As I’ve said over and over in this journal, Jasmine makes life beyond exciting. I couldn’t ask for a better 30th birthday.
When I look at my life from above, I’m fortunate…very fortunate. At 30 years old I have a loving family, great friends, a house, a car, and the future is still wide open. Having the future wide open isn’t necessarily a good thing all the time. My 5 year and 10 year plans entail me running my businesses for a few more years, then move to farangland, jump into the deep end, and see what happens next. Not much of a plan now is it?
To be honest, it’s been nice not having much of a plan for 30 years. I know the general direction that I want to go and I trust that I will get to my destination, but part of the fun for me is not having a detailed plan about how to get there. That doesn’t work as well once you become a father. The reward of seeing your baby sleep comfortably, smile, and laugh is more addictive than heroin probably is. I need more of her happiness, and working my way through the fun maze of life blindfolded just isn’t going to cut it.
It was pretty simple, but last month my father said something that really made me pause for thought. With his usual grin he answered a minor complaint about parent life that I had with, “Well, your life isn’t yours anymore.”
Wow. It’s not rocket science, but wow. It’s like when you’re at your own birthday party and you can see people putting in the candles in your cake at the table next to you. The lights go out and you know what’s coming. ..but still you feel surprised when everyone starts singing for you. Ok, maybe that was a crappy example…but the point I’m trying to make is that I knew this was coming for a long time, yet the simplest thing like what my father said in passing surprised the hell out of me!
More and more now, I get surprised everyday. I sit and talk with Jasmine…replying to her coos and “khas” with serious answers and questions. She replies with more baby sounds looking at me dead in the eye, and again it’s pure “wow” for me. We do this for at least 30 minutes a day now, and it’s my favorite part of the day.
Again, as usual, I don’t know where I’m going with all of this. I guess I’m trying to summarize how I feel on my 30th birthday, which is impossible. I’m happy yet scared. Relaxed yet stressed. Confident yet unsure. I think you get the picture.
What’s life without “wow?”
<----- Little Feet 14 Little Feet 16 ----->
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