It’s strange to be back here in Thailand. I’m not sure how I feel about it yet. This isn’t going to be an “I love Thailand” journal. This is just going to be me complaining, because that’s what I do well. Immediately when I got into BKK, we all got food poisoning. I’m living in the second floor of my house, which is packed with furniture that we had on the ground and 3^rd floors. We have tenants on the ground and 3^rd floors now. Luckily, they have turned out to be pretty cool, even though one of them is English.

When I got back to the states, I became insanely productive. If I wasn’t busy with work, I’d be taking Jasmine out to concerts, art programs, play groups, etc. If I wasn’t doing that, I’d be fixing something around the house or getting involved with the community in some way. I think Bangkok makes me lazy because I feel trapped inside for two reasons: Traffic and heat.

Going out for 5 minutes, I start to sweat. After a couple of hours, I feel the need to shower. Dealing with the traffic here is a pain in the ass as well. I just have this feeling that my life is ticking away when sitting in traffic. Then while I’m out, everything is money, money, money, me, me, me. Conversations don’t progress as quickly as you find in the west. Retail workers couldn’t give a shit about you if they aren’t getting a direct monetary benefit. Fairness applies only to the color of your skin, which isn’t fair at all if you’re black.

I guess I was just amazed at how free and mentally stimulated I felt in the States (physically, not so much!). Construction workers, mailmen, CEO’s, game changers…they all have something interesting to share with you. Mind you, I’m still going through culture shock returning to my own country. At the moment I’m mentally somewhere in between Thailand and the States, but I’m getting pulled to the States in a way I never thought I’d feel. Having a kid really does change you. I wonder what having two kids will do!

A lot of my friends have left Thailand. A lot more are gearing up to leave, especially the ones with kids. When thinking about my next vacation, it’s weird to look to other countries besides Thailand. It’s as if I forgot about all of the incredible countries that we pass on the way over here.

Thailand, I still love you with all of my heart, but things have changed. It’s me, not you.

Little Feet 33 -------->

Thailand has changed in many way negative. I visite Th every year but it never fail to surprise me. When i complain to Thai family and friends, they said I changed. Maybe I did. I asked my some of my Thai friends once, what are we proud of as Thai? No one replied me but i just got cool shoulders in return.

And nobody will reply to your questions. If they do reply, they reply with anger.

Things are different for sure. I assume it's me and Thailand has only changed a little bit. Im not sure.

I have found Ked's indoctrination to the US a very interesting way to view Thailand. Ked is as fiercely Thai as any other Thai person. She loves being Thai and she loves her culture.

However, as she becomes more and more exposed to the US I see her attitudes shifting. If you've never been outside of Thailand you don't have any other perspective on how things are. As she gains that perspective by seeing how things work in the US her opinions about Thailand are changing as well.

You can hear it in how she refers to things back in Thailand. The words and the tone are more critical. She still loves Thailand but now she see's some of the things that are wrong about Thailand.

I don't want to go into specific items because that's not the point. Plus I'm sure you and Nicky both know what I'm talking about.

But I think the same thing happens to farangs in Thailand too. We get used to how things are in Thailand.

Like when you talk about how productive you are back in the US. You were just as productive before you came to Thailand. In Thailand you let people like me call you up at 2am in the morning and drag you out for an all night drinking binge. Back home, that shit doesn't fly. You learned to think this was normal when you lived in Thailand because that's just how things are.

If you're feeling anything like me, many of the things that you hated about the US when you were living in Thailand are things you love now that you're back living in the US.

Just as an example, at first it seems fun that you can just bribe your way out of just about any sort of minor offense. Slowly you just get used to it. You might even enjoy flipping cops 200 baht and driving away instead of getting a ticket.

Then you go home and you've got Jasmine and Jeab in the car with you and you're happy the cops actually enforce safe driving.