space...

last week i was invited to a lunch with my prof. and all of her grad students that works for her. so there were 5 students including me.

after the meal, we started talking...the prof left early as she had a meeting so only us, students, that were there talking.

one guy, a korean guy who is my classmate and a friend, asked a question that made me laught hard!

'what is the notion of 'love' in western culture?' he went...

he got me laughing coz he was a very quiet guy but at the same time talks a lot when he find someone who he feel comfortable to talk to.

and lately he's been asking me a lot about love and relationship. he even asked tlc about dating and approaching technique

anyway, the question led us to a discussion about the difference between westerners and asians when it comes to 'relationship'

through the discussion, we saw that the way western culture is constructed based a lot on the idea of 'individualism' while asian culture is more 'hierachy'. this differences create certain characteristic to people in the two cultures. individualism tends to think outward. consider a self as a centre then try to soften their surrounding to be suitable for the self.

asian culture, on the other hand tends to consider one self as a component of a whole. since asian culture have level of manners and respectation to consider. so we tend to look at the whold structure and find the way to situate ourselves into the structure without disturbing any other elements in the structure.

so, when it comes to 'cross-culture relationship', westerner feels that asians are passive which is not. it's the way we deal with others. it's the way the culture has molded them to be.

it's interesting that this thing is actually going on invisibly. some couple might not see this problem, if it is ever a problem, but it's an underwater wave that one might simply put it as 'you are selfish' and the other might just simply say that 'you are so passive, you are boring'.

anyway, enough for now...

i hope you guys out there don't have any problems with your love one

cheers!

atomica

Good insights Atomica. Sound like a good analysis and I like it. I know you have been here for a while and saw that your journals was impressive. Canadian girl soon to meet Santa Claus then? Ok Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Wish you the best

problems in your relationship? Just nuke 'em, atomic. Then they'll know you're not passive.

lol...i don't have any problem with tlc at the moment but will keep your advise in mind, khun loburt.

true...the analysis above is at macro-level...

indeed, it's just like u said...'time' and 'genuine interest'

I knew i was doing something right

I was in Canada 1995-97. Dressed thai fashion and thai classical danceing was shown by me at the culture -exchange in thank you party after conference manytime. I'm Thai and I'm in eastern style. Pround to be.

but why? why? what are the reasons for the differences in the perceptions? what causes one culture to gravitate towards individualism and the other to (at least outwardly) think in terms of themselves as a piece of a greater structure? what are the social evolutionary and environmental factors which have created these results?

perhaps i shall have a bottle of merlot and ponder this question.

i think the driven force for individualism is the 'enlightenment'

does that imply that western cultures are enlightened and asian are not?

no, but the enlightenment focus on individual, reasons, becoming visible, understanding, and human rights.

the french revolution makes the poor, the working class become visible and have equal right.

these are teh fundamental, i guess

perhaps. but i would tend to think that the seeds for the respective cultures perceptions were planted long before the french revolution. i would guess that it has something to do with adaptation and survival in the face of the differing natural environments. western culture tends to have evolved from European backgrounds, where communities were more removed from one another and individuals relied upon themselves and their immediate smaller communities members for survival. in the face of hard and cold winters, it became a bit of an "every man for himself" type of mentality. Where as in the warmer Southern Asian climates, natural resources were more plentiful and more easily shared among the larger community. When the natural environment is warmer and more condusive to walking around and more interation with your neighbor, you tend to feel a greater sense of responsibility to those neighbors and the community as a whole. Just a thought.

Have you guys talked about marriage (no, not between you two

Ask him what % of Korean marriages are arranged. Answer might be interesting

hmm...interesting na....Lyle.

perhaps it's all that.

stay home and cook, clean and raise kids are actually my dream

lol

but im not sure about having kids :S