If there's one thing I hate more than mushrooms, it's shopping for clothes. Both trust my lunch upwards but shopping also hurts your feet from all the walking around.

Alas, shopping for clothes is like doing your laundry. There comes a point where you can no longer put it off to the next day, unless you don't mind walking on the streets naked. So, last week, finally accepting I had been in dire need of clothing, it was with a heavy heart that I entered my personnal Hell: a shopping mall. These places have everything I hate: lots of noise, lots of cuddling couples, and clothes racks.

I entered the first store I thought looked good, taking solace in the fact that at least I wasn't being dragged there by a shopping crazed girlfriend. Otherwise, I have a feeling I would've had to go to the store "she" wants, to buy the stuff "we" need. Perhaps there is some good in being single.

The joint was a sports store. Not the sports gear kind; the hip fashion clothes kind. With computer and audio/electronics joints, sports stores are the only places I don't mind going to because the salespersons are usually guys who don't give a rat's ass about fashion. They ask you what you want, they tell you on what shelf it is, they tell you how much it costs, and it stops there. This is how shopping should always be. And that's how it was. After 15 minutes, I was done. I had bought new shoes, new pants and new shirts, all in the same store.

So where is the bewitching salesgirl?

Well, she was on the other side of the store, in the shirts section, where I'd just been. I was at the counter, about to pay for my stuff, when our eyes met from across the store. And she took my breath away. You know, the kind of girl who could restore my faith in women in a heartbeat.

She wasn't amazingly beautiful or stunningly hot, but there was something about her that just melted me away. It was one of those moments where you just stand there, looking silly while the girl at the cash register has to ask you twice for your money because you didn't snap out of it the first time.

I'll always remember a similar experience I had a couple of years back in a jeans store. The salesgirl was this hot, long haired sultry brunette with a sexy voice. I was trying on a pair of jeans in which she thought I looked just stunning. I came out of the little dressing booth with the new jeans on. They were a little too big but she told me they could be adjusted. So she reaches down to check the leg. And as she was tugging at the ankle of the pants, she looks up, smiles, and says, "There? doesn't it feel great to have a woman kneel in front of you?"

I blushed and remained silent because, no, I didn't know (then)how great it felt. Of course, now that I'm a little wiser, I know the correct answer would have been, "Well, I have to take these pants off anyway so you might as well demonstrate." But I digress. My point is salesgirls are a particulary devious breed of women, whether they're trying or not.

I didn't buy the jeans but I did leave the store with a grin on my face. I had been bewitched by the salesgirl spell. But the key is knowing that it's only a sales spell and nothing more. That hot brunette didn't flirt with me because of me, she flirted because she wanted to make a sale. And last week, that seemingly unnatractive salesgirl would not have been nice to me because our eyes met and we had made a connection, but because it would have been her job.

So, if a salesgirl pours honey all over you, just smile and enjoy it. Suck as much attention and flirting as you want out of her if it makes you feel better. Just remember why she's doing it and keep it in your pants.

You wallet, that is.

: )