Come here , I want to teach you something. It's about women.

No, you don't know everything already. You need me. See this scar on my forehead? When I was about 18, I didn't know a woman could hit that hard. So listen. It'll spare you time, grief and a ride in an ambulance screaming like a banshee.

First, you gotta compliment women. Tell them they're pretty, even if they're butt ugly. Trust me, things will happen after a heartfelt "Hey, what's shaking, good looking?". It will get you noticed. It will get you remembered. It could even get you laid. Okay, it might also get you a barstool to the forehead but whatever, you'll never forget that night. So be nice to girls.

That's the key to win a girl. Being nice to her. Give her attention. Even when you see her going for that barstool, don't do something selfish like dodging. Instead, keep it all about her. Tell her how pretty she is with that axe-murderess look in her eyes. Tell her how she must work out and be in top shape to hurl a stool this far. And after it smacks you real good between the eyes, tell her she has surprizingly good aim for a women. You see? All about her. Not you. Her.

Okay. Then, there's dating. This is after the first contact, or after you regain counsciousness. Dating is like golfing? No, dating is more like a drive through the park? No, wait, dating is like? uhhh? it's like? it's? it's going out. You go out with the girl, you talk, you eat, maybe play mini golf? you know, the smootchie love bunny part. You must do well in this part, it paves the way for the rest. The important thing to remember is, again, to keep it all about her, but go to places without barstools. Or wooden chairs. Or barbecues.

Anyway? say you finally manage to land a babe - even out of pity, there's no shame in that - you'll eventually have to show her your place; maybe one day even living together. Well, the same rules apply, but now you have to be more self-counscious and careful how you act around her. This is the tricky part. Giving up the freedom of forgetting your underwear in the freezer is a landmark in a young man's life. Okay, make that "a point of no return". Because once the girl is in, many things will go out. Beer, friends, poker, strippers?

Where was I?

Oh yeah? love ? it's a rewarding experience. So go out there and find her, you'll be glad you did. Sharing your life with a woman is a blessing, even if she's annoying, nagging, pushy, moody, invading, irritating or barstool swinging.

No barstools outside in Thailand :-)?

yeah!...get on the plane...

and if you're really nice to them, maybe they will appreciate it at first...or maybe they'll think you are too nice and call you that dreaded "f" word: friends. but after a while, it becomes expected...and then being nice isn't enough anymore. and then what's next...expensive gifts!