SweetieBabie Posted January 3, 2009 Report Share Posted January 3, 2009 How does the divorce effect the children in the later yrs and when they grow up? Do you think divorce shatters a child's sense of security our views of the world? and if they tend to be more pessimistic and the feeling of love is harder to have for others later in life? If so, do they tend to encounter many different partners without caring of what's love and what's not? They tend to see family as less respectful and really wonder who was the **** up and who caused it to all fall apart and we wonder why did you even get married at all...If as a child, is supposed to be a symbol of your love, so what does it mean when u break up?...... and finally, if you are dating someone with divorced parents history, should one be cautious that it is something to be worry about in a long run in term of relationship? :? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr_Mike Posted January 3, 2009 Report Share Posted January 3, 2009 Children of divorced parents are just as any other kids, there's the occasional queries like: "who's gonna be my mommy/daddy now". To try and classify them in any other sense is meaningless. The character of a child depends somewhat on the parent(s), but it should be strictly noted that childhood behavior is not condemned by the situation. Any good parent can properly raise a child without a spouse. This has been proven time and time again, in large research cases. Good luck finding anyone these days with parents that are still together. (Especially in Thailand.) The term: gig, mia noi, choo all have a very common place in "family life" here. peemarc (below) has a good point to add too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeeMarc Posted January 3, 2009 Report Share Posted January 3, 2009 parents, no matter how they are, have a profound effect on their kids. Ive seen completely dysfunction people come from 'seemingly good' families. There are so many variables that id say it wouldnt be correct to generalise and focus on the divorce issue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetieBabie Posted January 3, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 3, 2009 parents, no matter how they are, have a profound effect on their kids. Ive seen completely dysfunction people come from 'seemingly good' families. There are so many variables that id say it wouldnt be correct to generalise and focus on the divorce issue. How about in term of love and relationship... Are you saying parenthood's unsuccessful relationship has no effect whatsoever? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr_Sassy Posted January 3, 2009 Report Share Posted January 3, 2009 divorce shatters a child's sense of security our views of the world? - yes.. a child may think he/she is losing something/someone. they tend to be more pessimistic and the feeling of love is harder to have for others later in life? yes, a child will always be very needy (lack of a sense of security) do they tend to encounter many different partners without caring of what's love and what's not? I think it depends on the input - what mom/dad tells a child. Input = output. If you train your child to hate the world.. he/she will always use black color to paint the world. They tend to see family as less respectful and really wonder who was the f*ck up and who caused it to all fall apart and we wonder why did you even get married at all. I believe a child will question that but when he/she "grows up" and experience the lovey--dovey stuff... he/she will understand a bit. If as a child, is supposed to be a symbol of your love, so what does it mean when u break up? Some children are a production of lust, alcohol, love drugs. Some not-so-selfish parents will stay together patiently until their children grow up then they seperate. if you are dating someone with divorced parents history, should one be cautious that it is something to be worry about in a long run in term of relationship? Not sure, but I will do my best to show that person a bright side of 'being in a relationship'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeeMarc Posted January 3, 2009 Report Share Posted January 3, 2009 parents, no matter how they are, have a profound effect on their kids. Ive seen completely dysfunction people come from 'seemingly good' families. There are so many variables that id say it wouldnt be correct to generalise and focus on the divorce issue. How about in term of love and relationship... Are you saying parenthood's unsuccessful relationship has no effect whatsoever? no. I said "parents have a profound effect.,". And yes, divorces do affect the whole family. But you cannot assume that all kids of divorced parents have a risk factor in their own relationships. Every person is uniqve. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mazzy Posted January 3, 2009 Report Share Posted January 3, 2009 Very good question Tonia. I only partly agree with you Mike. I think you are right to say that a child whose parent are divorced is definitely not condamned to become disfunctional. However, I wouldn't go as far as you concerning the studies made on children of divorced couple. These studies go all over the board, some stating no negative impact, others being more careful in their conclusions. From a purely observational standpoint, many of my friends coming from a divorced families have a more cynical view toward marriage and funding a family of their own. But I am not aware of a particular study on this. In my opinion, it is possible to raise perfectly healthy children after a divorce. However, I do think that both parents have to work hard (or one parent has to work extra hard) for it to work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eagle Posted January 3, 2009 Report Share Posted January 3, 2009 I remember in my youth so many kids with divorcing or divorced parents and some were really messed up by it. Others had lots of freedom and played their parents as children do. Individuals react differently to any situation so I think all we can really say is its not a good thing to see people divorce. How it effects children would have to be case by case. How parents treat their children during a divorce is important also. Are the children used as weapons and do the parents both still spend time and show their love. So many variables come into play. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr_Sassy Posted January 3, 2009 Report Share Posted January 3, 2009 How it effects children would have to be case by case. How parents treat their children during a divorce is important also. Are the children used as weapons and do the parents both still spend time and show their love. So many variables come into play. very well-written!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eagle Posted January 3, 2009 Report Share Posted January 3, 2009 How it effects children would have to be case by case. How parents treat their children during a divorce is important also. Are the children used as weapons and do the parents both still spend time and show their love. So many variables come into play. very well-written!!!! well thanks Doc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
funky_house Posted January 3, 2009 Report Share Posted January 3, 2009 Here in the UK, a lot of the problems with wayward young men, is being attributed to the lack of a father figure in their lives. Maybe there is some truth to this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eagle Posted January 3, 2009 Report Share Posted January 3, 2009 Here in the UK, a lot of the problems with wayward young men, is being attributed to the lack of a father figure in their lives. Maybe there is some truth to this. I would guess thats universal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stramash Posted January 3, 2009 Report Share Posted January 3, 2009 Here in the UK, a lot of the problems with wayward young men, is being attributed to the lack of a father figure in their lives. Maybe there is some truth to this. But probably less to do with actual divorce than a complete lack of father figure. As many have said, such as Nicky and Eagle, it is all to do with how the split is handled; whether there is a good level of communication between the parents, what levels of recrimnination there are, whether the children are used as a 'weapon' and what levels of parenting and custody are shared. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eagle Posted January 3, 2009 Report Share Posted January 3, 2009 Here in the UK, a lot of the problems with wayward young men, is being attributed to the lack of a father figure in their lives. Maybe there is some truth to this. But probably less to do with actual divorce than a complete lack of father figure. As many have said, such as Nicky and Eagle, it is all to do with how the split is handled; whether there is a good level of communication between the parents, what levels of recrimnination there are, whether the children are used as a 'weapon' and what levels of parenting and custody are shared. I have a friend who has started using his kids as a weapon now that his X is asserting herself. I have lost respect for him as he started this as its cruel to the children. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stramash Posted January 3, 2009 Report Share Posted January 3, 2009 Here in the UK, a lot of the problems with wayward young men, is being attributed to the lack of a father figure in their lives. Maybe there is some truth to this. But probably less to do with actual divorce than a complete lack of father figure. As many have said, such as Nicky and Eagle, it is all to do with how the split is handled; whether there is a good level of communication between the parents, what levels of recrimination there are, whether the children are used as a 'weapon' and what levels of parenting and custody are shared. I have a friend who has started using his kids as a weapon now that his X is asserting herself. I have lost respect for him as he started this as its cruel to the children. It's horrible; my ex does it constantly - and I cannot argue back or she threatens to withhold access. Don't want to go through courts so I am in helpless position. Everything is done according to her schedule and agenda but I refuse to stoop to her level... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mazzy Posted January 3, 2009 Report Share Posted January 3, 2009 Very good question Tonia. I only partly agree with you Mike. I think you are right to say that a child whose parent are divorced is definitely not condamned to become disfunctional. However, I wouldn't go as far as you concerning the studies made on children of divorced couple. These studies go all over the board, some stating no negative impact, others being more careful in their conclusions. From a purely observational standpoint, many of my friends coming from a divorced families have a more cynical view toward marriage and funding a family of their own. But I am not aware of a particular study on this. In my opinion, it is possible to raise perfectly healthy children after a divorce. However, I do think that both parents have to work hard (or one parent has to work extra hard) for it to work. I came from a divorce family myself and my psychologist told me that I don?t need any medication. I?m perfectly healthy. And I come from a "normal" family and you keep reminding me to take my meds everytime you look at my journal. Sometimes, people who had the best environment and education growing up can still deviate from the rightfull path and get lost in the maze of modern society... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eagle Posted January 3, 2009 Report Share Posted January 3, 2009 Very good question Tonia. I only partly agree with you Mike. I think you are right to say that a child whose parent are divorced is definitely not condamned to become disfunctional. However, I wouldn't go as far as you concerning the studies made on children of divorced couple. These studies go all over the board, some stating no negative impact, others being more careful in their conclusions. From a purely observational standpoint, many of my friends coming from a divorced families have a more cynical view toward marriage and funding a family of their own. But I am not aware of a particular study on this. In my opinion, it is possible to raise perfectly healthy children after a divorce. However, I do think that both parents have to work hard (or one parent has to work extra hard) for it to work. I came from a divorce family myself and my psychologist told me that I don?t need any medication. I?m perfectly healthy. And I come from a "normal" family and you keep reminding me to take my meds everytime you look at my journal. Sometimes, people who had the best environment and education growing up can still deviate from the rightfull path and get lost in the maze of modern society... I had a lot of friends with parents going thru divorce while mine stuck together till the end. BUT mine were always fighting and I envied my friends whose parents were too busy to be strict and the kids with divorcing parents seemed to have so much freedom. Grass is always greener comes to mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mr_wayne Posted January 4, 2009 Report Share Posted January 4, 2009 my parents never separated and i was a dis functional teenager,then i raised two kids after a divorce and my two kids are good....now aged 17 and 14......my ex wife took one of my 3 children and had alot of trouble with her......i think it all depends on the parent/parents....the child....the childs influences and enviroment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beej Posted January 4, 2009 Report Share Posted January 4, 2009 It made me a better person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mazzy Posted January 4, 2009 Report Share Posted January 4, 2009 It made me a better person. Are you sure...? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cherryberry Posted January 4, 2009 Report Share Posted January 4, 2009 it made me unbreakable... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neo Posted January 4, 2009 Report Share Posted January 4, 2009 I have chosen to avoid any such problems for my children... simply but not having any kids :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave40 Posted January 4, 2009 Report Share Posted January 4, 2009 No one wins from a divorce!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beej Posted January 4, 2009 Report Share Posted January 4, 2009 No one wins from a divorce!!! I bet you Heather Mills can tell you 24 million reasons how she won. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave40 Posted January 4, 2009 Report Share Posted January 4, 2009 No one wins from a divorce!!! I bet you Heather Mills can tell you 24 million reasons how she won. Geez maybe she is one of the lucky ones!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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