Ngairo Posted January 4, 2009 Report Share Posted January 4, 2009 The independance of most children now days gets them over any issues of mum and dad living apart. I notice more and more parents not wanting to have (by not spending time with them) good relationships with their kids....very selfish....that's where the breakdown happens..when kids don't feel wanted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shortstuff Posted January 4, 2009 Report Share Posted January 4, 2009 How does the divorce effect the children in the later yrs and when they grow up? Do you think divorce shatters a child's sense of security our views of the world? and if they tend to be more pessimistic and the feeling of love is harder to have for others later in life? If so, do they tend to encounter many different partners without caring of what's love and what's not? They tend to see family as less respectful and really wonder who was the f*ck up and who caused it to all fall apart and we wonder why did you even get married at all...If as a child, is supposed to be a symbol of your love, so what does it mean when u break up?...... and finally, if you are dating someone with divorced parents history, should one be cautious that it is something to be worry about in a long run in term of relationship? :? The experience of a divorce, changes the perspective and outlook of any child, no matter how amicable the separation may be. What plays a deciding role in molding a child are the circumstances that caused the divorce to happen. Was domestic violence the cause of separation or perhaps an affair? Much also depends on the age of the child, and how mature their understanding towards relationships are. Children have a very different outlook on the world in comparison to adults. An infant or a toddler will not emotionally experience the true depth of a divorce compared to a preteen or adolescent. Despite the occurrence of a divorce appears to be a norm, society in general especially the older and traditional generation, look with distain towards single parents. As a result, the social stigma will effect a child even in their later years. Every action, has either a positive or a negative reaction. Some will view divorce as a unmentionable, where they cling even harder to the idealistic views of marriage. Some lose the ability to emotionally trust the opposite sex having seen the aftermath of a divorce. Some like myself, become cynical and completely averse to the institution of marriage. From my experience, the divorce didn?t shatter my sense of security but rather a very rude awakening that nothing good or bad lasts forever. At that time, it seemed a little too profound for a 10 year old. It made me grow up much faster, accepting the realities of life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grezzzy_greer Posted January 4, 2009 Report Share Posted January 4, 2009 My ex was using my kids as a weapon for a long time - both before and after our divorce. One day she told me she was going to move to live in Australia - I told her not to go, but of course she knew better. I was away working in the UK and she left my then 10 year old daughter, 8 year old son, and 7 month old daughter with the maid. That was in March 2006, she came back to collect the kids in December 2006 to take them to Sydney. Luckily my kids are used to my being away working, so they are pre-conditioned to my notbeing around all the time. Finally after 2 years, I will bring my kids back to BKK - but the ex still will not let the kids live with daddy - another weird idea - time will tell oin this issue, but te good part is that my children still love both mother and father and understand the divorce (the little one doesn't of course), and also they all get along fine with Grezzzy, so thats a big step in the right direction. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PJack Posted January 4, 2009 Report Share Posted January 4, 2009 things that happen around us - divorce, weddings, affection, disaffection, whatever have nothing to do with us once we take responsibility for who we are and realize that we creat our own reality. Once we are transformed and grow up as human beings we are free to create whatever we want. We dont need to be victims. That can move beyond that. I learned that my parents did the best they could and have accepted them for who they were and are and what they did. I dont need to blame them for anything. My happiness is my responsibilty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetieBabie Posted January 4, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 4, 2009 But probably less to do with actual divorce than a complete lack of father figure. This statement struck me... the lack of Father figure / Mother figure ... and how it results in some people... care to liberate, dear? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stramash Posted January 4, 2009 Report Share Posted January 4, 2009 But probably less to do with actual divorce than a complete lack of father figure. This statement struck me... the lack of Father figure / Mother figure ... and how it results in some people... care to liberate, dear? A divorce does not necessarily mean a lack of father figure; dependant on access and custody arrangements, communication between ex spouses etc, the dad can and will remain an important figure in the child's life. But a growing problem in the West is a complete lack of father figure, and in rarer cases, lack of mother figure. This can be due to promiscuity of either gender, poor sex education, lack of responsibility etc. But there are many children who have no named father on their birth certificates and in whose lives male authority figures can be temporary. This, certainly in UK, has been identified for many resultant anti social behaviours in adolescence, as well as a complete lack of recognition or respect for any authority at all; from school level right through to police. While co-parenting is no guarantee of problems being avoided, it is at least an advantage if it is done in the right way, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ngairo Posted January 4, 2009 Report Share Posted January 4, 2009 But probably less to do with actual divorce than a complete lack of father figure. This statement struck me... the lack of Father figure / Mother figure ... and how it results in some people... care to liberate, dear? Once again....not wanting to have a good relationship with the kids..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eagle Posted January 4, 2009 Report Share Posted January 4, 2009 But probably less to do with actual divorce than a complete lack of father figure. This statement struck me... the lack of Father figure / Mother figure ... and how it results in some people... care to liberate, dear? Once again....not wanting to have a good relationship with the kids..... I have an old friend who got married had a child then divorced. He didn't keep visitation because he said his X would try to steal his house by lying about his treatment of the child. I lost respect for him that he simply didn't want to deal with it. He paid child support but left the child fatherless because basically Dad had no balls. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
condotown Posted January 5, 2009 Report Share Posted January 5, 2009 The problem isn't divorce..... It's marriage... and the selfishness of feeling the exclusivity of belonging to a family unit that is any better than any other arrangement. People, particularly men, are not instinctively made to live happily in such a fake and contrived institution, especially in these modern days of mass communication, mass transportation, and massive temptation. So why don't we do away with it and then children will not think they are missing something if they are from a "broken home"? The real root of the problem may lie in the current state of consumerism and marketing and the way that the modern way of life has altered the interactions of family members, forcing them to either consciously or subconsciously look at each other only as assets or liabilities. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest PMike Posted January 5, 2009 Report Share Posted January 5, 2009 studies suggest kids from divorced families tend to do better than kids from families that stay together and fight. The environment at home is a direct influence and the violent nature of shouting, arguing, fighting, and physical abuse tend to cause behavior issues later on. It can also effect relationship successes. Kids from seperated homes that have two good parents living apart tend to do better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest PMike Posted January 5, 2009 Report Share Posted January 5, 2009 parents, no matter how they are, have a profound effect on their kids. Ive seen completely dysfunction people come from 'seemingly good' families. There are so many variables that id say it wouldnt be correct to generalise and focus on the divorce issue. How about in term of love and relationship... Are you saying parenthood's unsuccessful relationship has no effect whatsoever? It tends to have a big effect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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